It's time for me to put a STOP on it

i will never forget that horrible week..........
the most disastrous week in my life.........

19/10/2010

i just finished my spm trial exam.i was exhausted and i didnt score really well in my trial.
i'd been emo for a week because of your attitude.

i begged you to send me at least a message a day.
But you scolded me.you claimed that our relationship was stable and we didnt need to stick to each other too much.i......believed with what you said.


around 8pm,i received your message.i was really glad to receive your message.it had been a long time i didnt receive your message.
But i was disappointed when i read your message.

you: 'i want to discuss something with you.it's about our relationship.'

and you asked me to break up with you.
i immediately bursted into tears when i read your messages.
each words was like shattering my heart into pieces.
i called you and i said :'i dont think i can live without you.please .....please...dont contact me start from now.i need to forget you..'

i felt so so sad when i listened you said..'ok'........
it's a really short answer but it's really killing me..........

after i off my phone,i lied down on my bed and cried.......

suddenly,my mum knocked my door and said.....
'your grandpa is hovering between life and death in the hospital now.i am going to hospital now.do you want to follow me?'

on te way to hospital,
we received a phone call from the hospital and my grandpa........passed away.......

when we reached the hospital,
i saw my grandpa was lying on the bed.
his body was covered with a blanket.
my aunt couldn't stand the emotion and she cried.
i couldn't cry.
everyting happened in sudden and my mind went blank.


i sent a message to you and told you that my grandpa had passed away.
you just asked me to take care.
you didnt even be with me and lent me your shoulder.
you didnt even send me a single message after that night.


After 4 days,
my grandma ....passed away too..........
because of my grandparents' funeral,
i didnt sleep well for few days.
i had to help my parents to prepare my grandparents' funeral.
i was mentally and physically tired.

finally,
i decided to call you.
i cried so badly when i was talking to you.
you didnt even bother about me even though i cried so badly.


spm was around the corner.
i couldn't pay any attention on my study.

i went to school as usual.
i was forced to wear a grin to pretend i was ok.
so that ,my friends wouldnt worry about me.
actually, no one knew what had happened to me and how i felt in the bottom of my heart.
i bottled up all my feelings.

when i was having my spm exam,
i looked at my cellphone every night.i hoped that you would send me a message and
asked me to work harder.
however,
again,
my expectation turned to disappointment.


Finally,
i realized that i shouldn't continue to be like that.
i had to push myself!!!!spm should be my everything and not you.
if i still living in the past,it would make me more suffer.
it was a really disastrous week to me and i passed through it by myself.
i never knew that i could make it and i was so proud with myself.


i hated you!
i hated you for broken our promise.
i hated you for didn't lend me your shoulder when i needed you so much.
i hated you for asking me to break up with you.
i hated you for didnt care about me when my grandparents passed away.
i hated you for didnt encourage me to work harder during my exam.
i hated you for being so selfish.


But.........
for now......
i no longer hate you or love you.
to me,
you are a stranger.
a stranger that i used to love so much.
it's time for me to put a stop on it.

i really enjoy my life now.
obviously,
i do not need you in my life now.

i am back........
^^